doubt and fear
Have you ever felt like you just are just existing?
Do you know what I mean?
You feel that you have no goals, dreams or ambitions.
Your life lacks motivation. You see no sense in going on. In fact, the future looks pretty bleak from where you are standing.
Many people feel this way after experiencing a devastating loss. The loss of a loved one – a spouse, child, parent, sibling, close friend, partner – can leave you so numbed that you can’t do anything.
What now? Who will be there for you? The one person, that filled a big place in your life, has suddenly gone.
Any type of loss is overwhelming. The fear of living again almost always follows that loss. Days, weeks, months, and even years go by and you just can’t find the willpower to get back to the act of living.
Yet, live you must, even if only one day at a time.
You have to find the determination that moves you forward to your future. Your loved one’s greatest request is that you carry on living. It is not easy, but you can be happy again. You can have dreams. You can set goals and you can pursue high ambitions. Even if you never fully accomplish them, they will allow you to feel again.
To get you on the process of being again, find like-minded people who have also experienced loss of someone close. Find a group that you feel comfortable with and start to attend their gathering. If a group does not work for you then find one or two close friends to share with. There is nothing more comforting than sharing stories and communicating your feelings to get you through the grieving process.
When you are ready move on to the next process of doing something that reminds you the world has not stopped turning. This could be something small like going for a walk, attending a social function, or reviving a “put on the back burner” hobby. It could be something big, like learning something new or going someplace different.
The key is to keep the momentum going. Don’t stay stagnant and whatever you do don’t lock yourself away.
Cherish the memory of your loved one by living your life, to the fullest, one day at a time.
You are not forgetting them. Rather, you are choosing to embrace life for you — and for them.
Kick Fear Now and choose life.
“Enlarge the place of your tent; stretch out the curtains of your dwellings, spare not; lengthen your cords, and strengthen your pegs. For you will spread abroad to the right and to the left. And your descendants will possess nations, and they will resettle the desolate cities.” Isaiah 54:2-3
I was told that 2014 is the year of expansion so I prayed, “Lord, enlarge my territory”.
The vision for my life was more than what I was experiencing. I was depressed and disheartened. Each time I tried to make progress something or someone came along to distract or discourage me. Eventually, with back-to-back delays, I realized that if I did not do something soon discouragement would derail everything that I had worked so hard to accomplish.
My dreams, goals, and plans were still there. I was more than willing to step into new territory.
My expectations were high. My heart wide open. Yet, here I was at a dead-end. Not sure what to do, where to turn, or how to move.
How had I come to this point? When did I step off the road that was moving me towards success? The peace I had once experienced was now replaced with chaos and turmoil. I searched my memory and racked my brains to see what had caused me to make this detour. Even more importantly, how was I going to get though it?
What or who had caused me to take one detour after another? I wanted to move forward, but was not sure which direction to go or even how to start. Each time I attempted to move the question arose, “What price are you willing to pay in order to move forward?”
One thing about expansion is that it requires you to move from a place of comfort and familiarity. You have to leave behind what you know in order to step into what will at first be new and strange. Questions will fill your mind. Doubt will rise up. Uncertainty will show itself.
Growth and expansion is often messy and chaotic. Things do not always go according to your plan. Deadlines are rarely met and delays often set us back. But despite how it looks you must still continue with your plan.
When you ask for something that involves change, you will get what you ask for. What you have to remember is that despite great plans and good intentions obstacles will come your way. All you have to do is learn to pick yourself up after each setback. Don’t give up because it hurts. Instead, keep your eyes on the prize. Stay focused on your ultimate goal and take whatever steps you need to in order to get there.
I asked for my territory to be enlarged. The price that I was willing to pay — Proceed with Caution. I got what I asked for. How about you?
What have you asked for in this year of expansion? What cost are you willing to pay to achieve success? If you have already begun the journey, what has been some of the challenges or setbacks you have faced? How have you overcome those obstacles? Please let us know. It might help us to get moving towards our dreams a little bit quicker.
“We can aid each other in the independent visions God has given us, but we each as individuals have our own mountain to climb, our own journeys, and our own accountability to God.”
Tonia Renee Lee, Live Inspired, Not Bound!
I just love words. The way they look when you string lots of them together. It makes me feel good when they fill up a page and form lines of poetry or prose. Words sound so exciting. I enjoy hearing them being read and seeing them acted out. I don’t even mind whether they are fiction or non-fiction.
I’ve always had a way with words. As a little girl I would stay up during the night writing in my diary. There were short stories and poems, a young girl’s thoughts and dreams, and lots of goals and ambitions. Later, I moved from the dairy on to a journal. I would write anything and everything. It really did not matter. You see, I just enjoy words.
I keep writing words, lots of them in fact. Words to get into college, obtain scholarships, get good grades, get not so good grades, recommend myself, recommend others, start a business, get a job, get a higher degree, and even words to get out of college.
So what does a person who loves words, has a way with words, writes lots of words, do? All the words I wrote and the knowledge I accumulated were of no value unless they were shared. I knew I had to take my words to the next level, but fear and doubt would quickly appear and make me think twice.
The funny thing is that words often take on a life of their own. I could not stop them. They wanted to be published. They knew that they could be of help if only they were placed in someone’s hand. So I continued to write words on a topic that I knew a lot about, Unrealistic Fear. The words soon grew into a book. The book of words did get published and is called Kick Fear to the Curb: 5 Action Steps for a Courageous You.
What about you? Where are your words? Are they asking you to let them go so that they too can be placed in someone’s hand?
Kick Fear Now and set those words free.
Sometimes you have to just step back and take a good look at you. I mean really stop for a moment and take stock of your life. Are you happy with the life you are living? Is the situation or circumstance you find yourself in what you really want? Are you at the point in your life where you can say, “Yes, this is where I should be?”
It’s January and most of us are feeling tired and lethargic this second week of 2014. All the hype and excitement of the year end celebrations are over. New Year’s resolutions have been made and most have already been broken. So many are anxious and worried that another year has passed by and they are not where they want or should be. Yet, many are also excited at the newness of a New Year, knowing that this is a time of new beginnings and there is a whole year to get things right.
Whichever group you are in, the fact is you still need to do an assessment of where you are right now and where you are heading in 2014. Here are some things to get you started on your own assessment.
Ask and answer these few questions.
1. Are you allowing past failures and successes prevent you from making progress.
2. Do you feel guilty about the goals you set that did not get accomplished or the task you began and never finished?
3. What about your present successes, are they keeping you stagnant and complacent?
May I suggest that you don’t stop now? There’s no need to keep looking back.
Keep moving forward despite your failures. Keep pressing on regardless of yesterday’s success. Don’t let fear and doubt let you lose sight of what is ahead for you.
Your life is a work-in-process which means you will continue to experience change.
Forget the past. Focus on the future. There’s an amazing journey ahead just waiting for you to take action. I dare you. Take an assessment. Then Kick Fear Now and start living the life you have always dreamed of. You can do it. Yes, you can.
“It’s easy to act as if you are a weathervane, always changing your beliefs and words, trying to please everyone around you. But we were born to be lighthouses, not weathervanes. Imagine a vertical axis running through the center of your heart, from your deepest roots to your highest aspirations. That’s your lighthouse. It anchors you in the world and frees you from having to change directions everything time the weather shifts.” Robert K. Cooper, The Other 90%