Inspiration
Sometimes you have to hear good advice several times over before you determine to take action. I concur with everything that Vipul tells us to do such as understanding and confronting your fears, using different exercises, such as deep breathing and affirmations to keep you positive and focused. In fact, why don’t I let you hear what he has to say. Remember, in order to Kick Fear Now you have to begin somewhere.
How to Use Your Bucket List to Kick Fear Now
My girlfriend just called me from Florida and said, “Pange, we’ve got to go to a Polo match. I’ve never been to one before and I want to cross it off my bucket list.”
“Interesting,” I said to her. “Did you know that a bucket list is a list of things that a person wants to accomplish before they die? Or to use the correct phrase, before they kick the bucket?”
I knew this because all week I have been churning in my mind what I was going to write in this post. Dana Sitar, author of A Writer’s Bucket List, has proposed a Bucket List Challenge Blog Hop to celebrate the launch of her new book. All I have to do is answer the question, “What will you cross off your Bucket List in 2013?”
I had never heard the term “bucket list” used before I saw the movie with the same title, starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. Growing up in London, England I was quite familiar with the phrase because people were always “kicking the bucket.” Whether or not they had made a list of things before they did so, I really don’t know.
I did know something about planning for the future. I knew about goals, dreams, desires and aspirations, but no bucket list. I knew about what I wanted to be when I grew up. Of course, I’m grown up now and certainly am not doing that at all. Well not exactly. I even put together my 100 goals that I want to accomplish during my life time but there was no emphasis, while I was writing, at least I don’t think so, about doing them before I kicked the bucket.
Many people would never dream of putting together a bucket list. That, after all, would be tempting fate. But when you think about it putting together that B-List is one sure way of facing your fears. It’s your way of telling those unrealistic fears that you are not afraid of the unknown. You are ready for a change and you are going to live life to the fullest.
Your bucket list will push you from just existing with no goals, no dreams, and no future. It will show you a world full of possibilities. It will also give you the determination and courage to believe, and accept, that a bright future awaits you. There is something that happens when you write down your goals and visualize yourself accomplishing them. They will keep you focused and remind you that success is within reach if you push yourself toward reaching those goals.
Facing your fears is not easy but it can be done. Even if you only do one thing on that bucket list, the fact that you went on the journey of doing something, is an achievement that can be celebrated. As for me, I’ve learned to accept that my journey of life has both joys and pains. Somethings I set out to do I will accomplish, others, I won’t. Despite that, I will not let unrealistic fear stop me from trying my best.
Therefore, in answer to Dana’s question, I will be climbing a mountain in 2013. I thought it would be Mt. Kilimanjaro, but that is for another time. Instead, I am going after the next best thing and will tackle the mountains at Cuzco, Peru. I will be hiking a 4-day, 25 mile, 3 high passes crossing the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu. The trail is often steep and one of the passes reaches an elevation of 13,776 ft. Hopefully this adventure will propel me into completing my next book Mountain Move Out of My Way. If I succeed in this endeavor trust me, you will be the first to know.
So what about you? Have you put together your bucket list yet? If not, and you need help in doing so, then visit Dana Sitar’s Blog Hop Page @http://writersbucketlist.com/challenge and see what some other bloggers are going to cross of their bucket list in 2013. Perhaps you will be inspired to do something too.
Wishing and Hoping Does Not Bring Success
Three days ago we all said “Good-bye” to 2012 and “Hello” to 2013. Making resolutions are fine. Putting together a bucket list is wonderful, but as Cheryl Pullins @iCoachWomen shared with us, “It might be a New Year, but if you brought old thinking, old habits and the same old stuff…it’s just another day.”
One such habit that many people sit around and do is hope that life will be different. They spend much of their waking hours wishing, hoping and dreaming that someday their life will change. Someday, Mr. Right or Ms. Perfect will step into my life. Someday, I will land my dream job. Someday, I will travel to another country, learn a new language, and meet new people. Someday, I will stop working and start my own business, or write a book. I think you get the picture.
The reality is that wishing and hoping does not bring success. Without any action on our part there will be no materializing of what we desire. In order for our dreams to become reality we must take action, any action, but preferably action that is based on a well thought out plan. Let me give you an example based on my experience.
You all know by now that for as long as I can remember I limited myself from doing things because of unrealistic fear. I dreaded speaking in front of an audience. I feared being without enough money to take care of my children and myself. I was afraid to share my writings with others in case they laughed at it or did not like it. I dreaded making cold calls while I was a real estate agent. In essence, I lived in my own world of doubts and fears.
Fortunately for me I woke up one day, actually it was more like every day for months. It dawned on me that life was going on without me. All the things I dreamed of doing would be just that, dreams. It was a hard fact to come to terms with, but when days turn into years and you are still in the same place, you know something must be done.
In my soon to be published book, Kick Fear to the Curb, I share with you five tried and lived steps that will take you from being fearful to fearless. I spent years observing, researching, gathering information and later, counseling others. I know that change is possible. I also know that the only way to get what you truly want is to face your fears.
Kick Fear teaches you how to do this by taking you through the process. It teaches you how to recognize and deal with unrealistic fear so that you can achieve the life you’ve always dreamed of living. Taking action has taught me to be courageous and confident. Taking action eventually led me to writing Kick Fear.
What are some of the things that you want to do? What old habit do you want to get rid of? What unrealistic fear do you want to face? If you want 2013 to be your year of ACTION, then get ready to Kick Fear Now.
Blow Your Own Trumpet and Toot Your Own Horn
One thing about the holiday season is that there are plenty of messages that will inspire and motivate us to action. Last night after I came out the movie theater from watching the Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, I decided to walk along 34th Street before catching the train home. As I looked around at the bright lights, decorations, and people doing their last minute shopping, my eyes were drawn upward. High above the crowd, on the façade of Macy’s Department store, lit up in bright yellow lights and large enough so it could not be missed, was one word — Believe. A simple message, but a powerful one nonetheless.
Don’t be afraid to dream big dreams or believe that they will come to pass. Just remember that you need to take action steps to make sure those dreams become reality. Of course, this is not always that easy to do but that does not mean you stop dreaming, believing, or doing. So you didn’t keep all your 2012 New Year’s resolutions and you did not do everything you wanted to do. Well, guess what, that’s okay.
You know, at the beginning of this year I set some big challenges for myself. In other words I dared to dream big and I believed that they would all happen. Well the year is almost over and I have not crossed every one of those goals off my list. I am sure that is also the case for many of you. Despite this fact I still believe I will be successful at them. This time, I have not resorted to feeling sorry for myself. I now know better than to allow fear and doubt to take control. Instead, I have congratulated myself on the things that I have accomplished and given myself a pat on the back.
It is so easy to look back over the year and say to yourself, “I haven’t accomplished anything” but how wrong you would be. This holiday season I strongly suggest that you take some time for you and list all the things that you have accomplished this year. Please don’t forget the small things. Sometimes we overlook these little successes and they often are the most important. Think of what you have done, how you did it, and what the outcome was. Give yourself feedback. Use this information to build upon and define what you will do next.
Now give yourself a gift for all your successes. If you dare, take time to bask in your achievement. Celebrate. Blow your own trumpet and toot your own horn. Why? Because it is the holiday season and you deserve it.
Forecast the Storm
Just before Halloween, in October 2011, an early snowstorm moved swiftly across the East Coast. More than 2 million homes were without power for days, many for weeks. The year before, around the end of August 2010, Hurricane Irene visited and also left her mark. Storms have visited New York on other occasions but it had been a long time since the last really big one on September 21, 1938.
Two years ago, I researched and wrote a paper on the next big storm that would affect New York City. I forecast a Category 3 for 2018. I knew that one day we would experience a big one again. I just did not imagine a Category 1 in 2012. Nevertheless, all the signs were there.
Hurricane Sandy came through New York, New Jersey, and the rest of the East Coast and left a tale for us to tell. Winds, sometimes gusting and blowing at 95 mph, along with a full moon that changed the character of the tides, caused storm surges that are only predicted in 100-year storms.
Hurricane Sandy was expected. Everyone knew the storm was edging up, would eventually turn, and then make landfall. What was not known, or anticipated, were the different changes it made as it made its journey up the mid-Atlantic Highway. Meteorologists said Sandy was an extraordinary, complex, storm system, with many moving parts.
My office, which is located below Wall Street, is closed. Located right where the storm surged more than 13 feet high. We do not know when it will be re-opened. The entire area has been without power since Tuesday night. No one knows the extent of the damage. There is a lot of work to be done. This has been a long, exhausting week and yet we are only at Thursday.
As I sat and reflected over what had just taken place, I realized that many changes are about to occur in our lives because Hurricane Sandy came our way. I looked at the aftermath and thought about how often storms of life come and suddenly, all our well thought out plans have to change. We will come face to face with many storm-like events, such as the death of a loved one, the loss of a home, or a job. Just like unrealistic fear, if we allow them to come in and occupy then the danger will remain long after the storm has passed.
Needless to say, there are many storms ahead. Some of them will even try to knock us off our feet, even forcing us to stay down. How we react to the storms of life make the difference in the outcome.
I like how Mayor Bloomberg and Governor Christie both summarized the situation: we will rebuild, and better. In other words, we will learn from this storm and utilize what we have learned to build to withstand future storms. We have to wait till the tide recedes, clean up the mess, and then keep on moving. The same goes for unrealistic fear. We cannot and must not allow unrealistic fear to stay and occupy. Let us Kick Fear Now and begin the rebuilding process.
Being Courageous
“All of us experience fear, but when we confront and acknowledge it, we are able to turn it into courage. Being courageous does not mean never being scared; it means acting as you know you must even though you are undeniably afraid.” Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Believe
“It is not whether or not you are afraid. We are all afraid. The question is, How do you deal with the fear? The courageous person is simply one who goes forward in spite of the fear.” Brian Tracy, Goals!
“If you want to develop courage, do the thing you fear to do and keep on doing it until you get a record of successful experiences behind you. That is the quickest and surest way ever yet discovered to conquer fear”. Dale Carnegie
“Courage is being stupid enough not to realize the danger
Involved to yourself
Smart enough to know you don’t have a choice,
But to take immediate action,
It’s a reflex action in the face of danger.
It’s something you have to do
And there is not enough time to wait
For another to make that decision”
Jackie Logan, Pen-sanity
Repetition and Practice
I have just started learning how to play golf. In my first lesson I was taught the importance of form. It was an interesting session and I learned a great deal, despite the fact that I did not hold or swing a club. I was hoping to hit that small golf ball hard and watch it fly across the beautifully manicured, green grass. Alas, none of that stuff for me.
My instructor didn’t give me a golf club. Instead, he gave me what looked like, and was, two yard sticks glued together. The top of the stick was painted bright red. He used this area to show me where and how to grip the handle of the golf club. He then had me place the stick across my chest, with my arms crossed over it and began teaching me the correct movement and positioning of my body for when I swing the club.
There is an often quoted saying, “you have to crawl before you can walk” or “you have to walk before you can run”. This holds true for anything that you are embarking upon for the first time. You cannot become a pro after the first attempt, no matter how confident you think or feel. If you want to be really good at what you are doing then you have to repeat it over and again until you become proficient.
Eliminating unrealistic fear also requires a lot of repetition and practice. You have to decide on the action you want to take. You then make a decision that you are going to commit to completing the action no many how hard it seems or how many setbacks you encounter. If this occurs then you are just going to go back and repeat the action, noting where, when, how and why you had a setback. You will have to make adjustments to tackle the problem.
When you commit to eliminating unrealistic fear from your life you will find that you become a decision maker and an action taker. When you face your fears you have to look at all possible solutions to overcome them. You have to be ready with other alternatives that you can turn to, if and when needed, to institute a good outcome.
Once you have successfully completed the action, without any problem, you repeat it again. Each time you do this you are fine tuning the action. With repetition and practice you become confident and proficient. Try to follow this course with each thing you have been struggling with. With time you will not only be successful, but you will be a first class problem solver.
So guess what my homework is as far as golf is concerned? You got it. I must practice my form until I get it right. Then I’m ready for the next step – holding the golf club and moving that little white ball that is in its path – just like the pros.
Do I have your attention?
Earlier this year I went for a routine mammogram and got a breast cancer scare. A few days after the examination I got a letter from the Diagnostic Center to say that there were abnormalities in both my breasts but they could not say for sure what they were. The letter told me to go and speak with my doctor who would give me further feedback. She in turn told me that I needed to have a breast ultrasound. She reassured me that there was nothing to worry about. The ultrasound was necessary to give us a clearer picture of what was going on inside the cysts that the mammogram could not see.
My doctor’s speech did not help one bit. While waiting to go for the ultrasound, and consequentially a biopsy, my mind went into a whirlwind of thoughts and questions of what could be the worst possible scenario for me. What if they find something bad? What if its cancer? What will I do? How will I manage? Suppose I die? Unrealistic, don’t you think? Well, not really. You see cancer likes to visit families, including mine.
My sister had breast cancer and had to have a mastectomy. I remember how she suffered during the entire ordeal. My aunt had ovarian cancer and because it was diagnosed in the late stages, she died. My father had prostate cancer and I remember how uncomfortable his life used to be. My brother had lung cancer and his life was cut short in his prime. A dear friend has cervical cancer and at 46 years old was taken from us. Another had pancreatic cancer. His smile, laughter and generous spirit left a gaping hole in many of our hearts.
A very close friend went through breast cancer treatment last year. I remember the different emotional phases she went through as chemo and radiation therapy took its toll on her body and her sanity. I could not feel her pain because I never experienced it, but I did try to imagine what she was going through. When I had my scare, my friend was the first person I called to share how I felt. She had gone through the process. She was able to put my mind at ease because she had firsthand knowledge.
I was fortunate. My abnormalities were benign. Two were liquid-filled cysts and the other was a hardened lump. However, this does not mean that I am out of the woods. During the biopsy the doctor inserted a small chip in the area where he had performed the procedure. This is important because when I have my next mammogram the radiologist will know to pay closer attention to the area. It also means that I cannot miss any mammogram appointment.
Another good outcome from the scare was my realizing how important it is for me to continue to educate myself on ways to prevent cancer from attacking my body. The best prevention are to eat healthy and moderately, exercise on a regular basis, and eliminate the stress factors before they even make an appearance. All this may sound easy but we all know it is not. Nevertheless, it is doable if you make a commitment to yourself to keep sickness and disease from coming your way.
October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. This month I challenge you to learn more about cancer. I also challenge you to educate yourself on how to live a healthy lifestyle that keeps not just cancer away, but diabetes, high or low blood pressure, and any other illness that takes away from your living an abundant, fearless, healthy life. My final challenge is for you to do something to help with the cause. It doesn’t have to be drastic. Something as little as helping someone who needs, but won’t ask, for your help. Trust me, being available with a patient ear and a little time goes a long, long way. As for those ladies who have not yet gone for their mammogram exam this year, now is as good a time as any. Kick Fear Now and go and get that exam.
Excuses, Excuses, Excuses
Today I wanted to share an excerpt from my soon to be published book Kick Fear to the Curb. I share this piece because of a comment that was made by a beautiful, talented, and highly gifted young lady who gave me several excuses why she could not pursue her dream. I share this because I want her to know that I have been there, done that, and have even written a book about it. My advice to her, and many times to myself, “don’t let those excuses stop you from chasing after, catching hold of, and taking action to live your dream.”
In the book, No More Crumbs, Rod Parsley states, “Fear pushes us into the darkness of hiding and offers us an escape from reality.” The reality is that challenges are a part of life, so too are rejection and acceptance, success and failure, lack and plenty, and death [and or] the unknown. It’s so much easier to wallow in self pity and find a thousand reasons to remain stagnant than it is to making an effort to move into attaining a life of purpose.
There are too many has-beens and wannabes paralyzed in their environments of limited vision. Parsley tells us that fear is like that. He says, “Lurking in the shadows are all the lies and half-truths that chain our lives to the past and shatter all our dreams of new tomorrows.” And I for one used to believe those lies and half-truths, until the day I came to the realization that I did not want to continue a life of non-existence. I suddenly woke up to the fact that I was not content to watch the world, or my life, pass by right before my eyes because I was afraid to take a chance.
One day, and it really wasn’t so long ago either, I made the decision to stop living in the so-called safety and security of working for a paycheck. Instead, I decided to live my passion. I believed that if the next phase of my life was going to be purposeful, then I had to stop doing the same thing over and again. I wanted to share with others the risks and benefits of pursuing my dream. I wanted to inspire, empower, and motivate.
At first I was very reluctant to take on this rather grand endeavor. After all, who was I? I certainly was no great orator. I didn’t possess intellectual rhetoric capable of captivating and enthralling an audience. In fact, whenever I spoke to a group of people, my mouth immediately became dry, my palms started to sweat, and my voice grew quietly small. That’s right: I became fearful. How on earth could I tell others its okay to take risks when I was constantly hesitating?
I began to think of all the reasons I must be wrong. I thought of all the people who had both the experience and knowledge to do a better job than me. I even went so far as to approach a couple of them with the idea. But after all was said and done, I knew deep down that I was capable of the task ahead. I had the knowledge, experience, and tenacity to take a project from start to finish. I had the drive and determination to successfully accomplish any task I set out to do. Still, I also knew that fear was equally good at rising its ugly head whenever a challenge was ahead.
Unrealistic fear, or as I call it, Enemy Number One, never fails to show up when you are about to make a move. Its aim is to make you doubt yourself and your abilities. I remember all too well how many times I was blindsided by fear but that will never happen again. That’s what you have to do today. Make a decision that the life you desire is going to be achieved. I won’t say that it will be easy but I will say that you can do it. From this day on, there will be no more excuses, no more procrastination, and no more unrealistic fear. So what are you waiting for, KICK FEAR NOW.
Rod Parsley, No More Crumbs. Lake Mary, FL: Creation House, 1997 ~ http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Crumbs-Invitation-Feast/dp/088419521X
- ← Previous
- 1
- 2
- 3
- Next →
Kick Fear Now 